Meditation and Kids

So - I'm crying. I've just blown up at Samantha, I'm crashing around the house, and thinking this is just IMPOSSIBLE!

I was given a book about meditation - I have several, but this one has pretty pictures - after putting out a question for meditation direction. The book has inspired me. I have meditated for the past three days morning and night. I am thinking, yesterday I was able to stay more present, and conscious. I'm feeling good!

Then Sam gets up, moaning and groaning, growling and grizzling (yes - my sunshine child!) This is the second time she is doing this 'stage'. I try to stay patient and calm - more moans, and grizzles and foot stamps. Then I loose it. And now I write it - I see. Her pain body wants and needs my pain body, and I have graciously given it to her.

I have a friend who says, let's get Eckhart Tolle down here to take care of the kids, and we'll go up the mountain for a few days. Let's see how peaceful and calm he is when we get back!

I think parenting can be really hard.
Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mummmmmm!!!! How on earth are you supposed to stay present?

All you can do is let the past misdemeanours go, and get on the horse again.

If I EVER get to a point where I can always stay present and calm during the kids drama I will KNOW I have reached enlightenment. But then, I wont even be excited about it, will I?! I'll be too enlightened to allow my ego to gloat.

Choosing Happiness for Kids

So, we are half way through school holidays. There has been a week of pancakes, lollies, chips and sausages, AND holiday house, beach, movies, friends, staying up late. Yet my 7 year old son still pulls out the sad face when I say no to one of the many requests for more throughout the day. “I'm bored.” “You never let us have anything special.” “Holidays are supposed to be fun!” And once again Mummy tries to explain the choice of happiness.It hits me that my boy thinks its easy for me to choose happiness – I'm an adult with no one telling me what to do. I can do whatever I like. So I explain that everyone has to live within certain limits. My limits are the need to work to pay for our living costs, I have to do as my boss says so I can continue to be payed. Where we live, car we drive, things we have, holidays we can experience are limited by our means,. I am also limited by taking care of my children, what I can do, when, where. Thus I live with certain limits, but choose, within those limits, to live happily – to be satisfied, not fight against my limits, and so live in ease. My children, I point out, have the limits set by me, but within those limits still have freedom to be happy. Fighting the limits, never being satisfied with what they have, or what they are doing is just a chosen perspective that leads to unhappiness.
The 7 year old said he understood, but he could have just been trying to shut me up, so we could get on with doing something more fun.
Interested in learning some practical ways to be happy, and live in south Sydney? Check out this post for information about my Practical Happiness Workshop.

Dinner Challenge

I knew there would be a drama tonight – I had cooked something new! My 7 year old raged, hated and spat. Because I had an idea this was coming, and because I had had a lovely, quiet day to myself, and had decided to have a glass of wine, I was not disturbed by the school child tantrum. As he raged and rolled and cried, I was cool and uneffected. And afterwards, when it was eaten and hunger was sated, there was smiles and laughter from the angry young man. “Yes, I want to go for a ride, too.”.And I thought as we all peddled to our favorite face painted tree, and over the bumps in the ground my daughter enjoys challenging her bike with, how much better when I did not engage in the children's temper. How quickly it was over. How much less anger in our world
Although I do it regularly – meet the kids anger and rage with my own anger - I know it is ridiculous. Children have less control of their emotions, and I am supposed to be the adult, who is expected to deal with her emotions – and teach her children to deal with theirs! Tonight I got it right, but mostly I fail, which feeds my guilt.
I will never believe that there is a greater challenge in life than being a parent. And nothing more rewarding than when I get it right. (Which happily happens too).

Resistance is Futile

Resist: to withstand or fight against. I am starting to believe that resistance to our lives is a very large part of the dissatisfaction we can often feel. We don't want to go to work, we don't want to be at work, or working. We don't want to clean, cook, or wash the clothes. We don't want to deal with the kids nagging, do the shopping, or spend time with those people.

When you think about it, our thoughts and our speech is full of resistance to what is, what needs to be done, our lives.



While we are dissatisfied with what we are doing, resentful and annoyed, irritated and angry, it is not possible to be happy too. While consumed with our general resistance we close ourselves off to contentment, satisfaction, love.

My son was sick a little while ago – just a bug. He vomited a couple of times, and had a temperature. But it was his resistance to being sick that made it the most unpleasant for him. “Why am I sick, what is the matter with me? Look, I am shaking, my teeth are chattering!” I was soothing him by letting him know it was just a bug, and I was there to take care of him. I wasn't worried, he wouldn't be sick for long. Yet, he resisted, making himself sicker, more anxious, more uncomfortable. The next day, we spoke about how much worse his resistance to being sick had made it, and that he should try to imagine being a jelly when unpleasant things were happening. To just be a blob, going with the flow, with muscles and thoughts relaxed. We joked about being a jelly, and showed my daughter jellies on the floor. I am sure the next time he is sick he will resist again, but I hope the imagery will come back to him some time when he needs it, my words and pictures in his mind.

And so, I think we need to spend a little more time being jellies. We may find that what we have been resisting in life is not as bad as we thought – that our resistance was the worst part of it. Or use those times to practice Mindfulness, a Buddhist practice of being fully present in the moment, and being completely involved in NOW. Or, by loosing our resistance we may find the quiet of the space left behind holds the answers we need when change is necessary.


Excerpt from The Spititual Journey Guide for Single Mothers on Mindfulness:(Pdf file, to open when clicked)