Moving On

Well. This has been a long time coming, I know! But it doesn't mean I haven't been doing anything.
I have been starting a new, bigger, brighter blog here at
How to Happiness. This is a sight about practical ways to gain more happiness.
Although I am very involved with my spiritual development, what I know is how to clear negative and unnecessary emotional baggage. I have done so much of it myself, and have an empathy and understanding for those caught up with life dramas and negative thought patterns, because I have been there. But having cleared a lot away, I have now come to a place where spirituality actually has some room to grow. It is creating that room/space that I want to pass on. So, that is where I am now.
Except when I am working on my spirituality! I am meditating twice a day now, and I am very lucky and blessed to have little enlightened moments regularly. Just this morning I felt myself to be a small shining light out in the universe, part of the Supreme Consciousness - or whatever!
I should probably get back here to share my spiritual moments, they are fun and exciting, and I am always looking to share (in fact, it is one of the things that holds me back from great meditation - always trying to work out how I can explain it to someone else!) But right now, time is short, and I have a lot of emotional baggage clearing to share!
Buy for now. Paula

Happiness

I know we are all looking for more happiness. How could you ever have enough? But, what I have learned from Buddhist teaching is that with happiness inevitably there is also unhappiness. Certainly, being aware of that can cause a slight dampening of spirits in connection with that happy making item, event, person. However, a slight reduction in intimate connection with this sensation Happiness, can actually be a good thing.

When we can stay at least just a little aware of how our emotions can change and fluctuate, see that what can make us happy can become something that makes us sad, or unhappy, then we are able to stay more even emotionally. Certainly the highs are fun, but the greater the high the lower the low. If we stay more evenly emotionally keeled, we are able to enjoy a stable, contented, peaceful existence.

Recognising how quickly the bad emotions pass helps to relax us when those times come, to accept, and not resist what is life just now for us. With that, very often the bad dissolves, or passes quickly. Resisting the bad emotions causes greater unhappiness for ourselves than the original emotion ever would have. Certianly, resistance exaggerates, and elongates our unhappiness.

Alternatively, recognising that we are happy now, but this too shall pass, may slightly dampen that happiness. But when the time for that happiness fades, we can accept and adjust more easily to the change in lifes tone.

If we can access the quiet, peaceful nature of our true selves, whether happy or sad, we always have that basis of peace to gratefully bask in.

Communication Frustration!

What frustration is this??!!

Trying to communicate with others in another room of the house. Calling out, "I can't hear you", "what?" and other obvious and irritating time wasting statements.

A friend (Bree) made a rule - "I am not going to answer you if there is a wall between us."

I am making that rule now (and I'm going to try to keep it!) and see if I can limit the irritation and frustration of the whole house conversation.

Christianity and The Power of Now 4

Another entry by our guest blogger, Brad Harris.

The next Bible verse quoted by Eckhart Tolle in ‘A New Earth’ is from the gospel of Matthew. It records Jesus as saying:
‘ if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well’. Matthew 5:40

This seems a simple piece of advice but the implications of it are enormous. It goes far beyond not taking people to court to rectify disputes. My understanding of what Jesus was saying used to be that, in order to please God I needed to discipline myself to always put
others’ needs first. This in itself is surely not wrong. Who could question the need to be considerate of the needs of others in every thing we do. Our actions, if based only on selfishness and self-satisfaction are inevitably going to cause harm to others - either directly or indirectly.

In taking this view of Jesus’ teaching I came to think that I didn’t deserve success or wealth and that I shouldn’t even expect happiness. In fact my life always had to take second place to others. I felt that my life should be dedicated to constantly giving in to the will of others. I began to devalue my own life! And what’s more, other people began to take advantage of my ‘good nature’ and I became somewhat of a ‘door mat’.

In ‘A New Earth’ Eckhart Tolle records his conversation with a dying women. He tells her “Whatever the ego seeks and gets attached to are substitutes for the Being it can not feel. You can value and care for things, but whenever you get attached to them, you will know it’s the ego. And you are never really attached to a thing but to a thought that has ‘I’, ‘me’, or ‘mine’ in it. Whenever you completely accept a loss, you go beyond ego, and who you are, the I Am which is consciousness itself, emerges”.

The women replied, “Now I understand something Jesus said that never made much sense to me before: ‘If someone takes your shirt, let him have your coat as well.’”

Tolle replied “That’s right. It doesn’t mean that you should never lock your door. All it means is that sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on”. (p. 41)

When I can understand that ‘my’ coat (or anything else that I call mine) is not really mine in the first place, I can’t feel hard done by at having to give it to someone else. I go with the flow of life more easily by accepting what comes and accepting what passes. Every moment, no matter how it appears on the surface is a blessing from God and I rejoice in it. It’s not a matter of taking second place to everyone else. It is a sacred realization that everyone and everything has equal value in God’s eyes. We are all a part of His creation and in ‘letting go’ we get more than we could ever realize. Amazing!

The Gruen Transfer - Advertising

You may or not have seen a very successful show on the ABC called The Gruen Transfer. It is a 30 minute show devoted entirely to looking at advertising, most specifically television advertising. It is a fascinating insight into a world of attention grabbing, what triggers our interest and desires, and how that can be manipulated. It also looks occasionally at how advertising has developed, and in some cases become very sophisticated.

I was made aware of the power of advertising when I watched a history program many years ago. The program spoke about the problems that many western countries faced after the Second World War. Much industry was in place to develop and produce weapons and ammunition, which were no longer required. This industry began to create and produce items such as fridges and washing machines. However, after many years of conservative spending and economy that was the result of the dread years of the Depression, no one would buy the new products. They were considered luxury and non essential to the spend thrift population.

Something was required to change the habits and thoughts of the populace, so the would buy. In order to keep money moving, industry producing and workers employed, people had to buy what they did not believe they needed. Then began a new phase in the advertising realm (used most effectively during the war years as propaganda) to create a desire in consumers that they did not have. The campaign was "You deserve it."

And consumers believed it and changed their spending habits to prove it. They agreed they had suffered many years of hardship, and want, and making do. They believed it was time to reward themselves. Then they bought a new washer, although the old one worked well enough, but was not as shiny.

I was astounded that this consumer desire that most of us have suffered has been a manipulation from the beginning. Not only does it continue on - only becoming more subtle, sophisticated, invasive and expensive - but it's still necessary to the continued function of this world system. In reality, the people of the past may very well have deserved some luxury after years of saving, and re-using, and making do. But I am not sure how the argument goes nowadays. Never-the-less, advertising still manages to make us feel we deserve to up-grade.

This advertising world encourages us to be dissatisfied with what we have, to want more, better, bigger, brighter. Advertising and its role in our world perpetuates suffering in our human phychi. Rather than an attitude of gratitude for all we have, and the beauty of our world, we are encouraged to be dissatisfied with how we live. Rather than bringing our minds into the Now, advertising is there to remind us to strive for more, make more money so we can buy more. Advertising,therefore, takes our thoughts directly into the future. And instead of allowing our ego to subside, we have advertising to trigger everything our ego's feed on - envy, desire, greed, dissatisfaction, and criticism.

What can we do? Personally, we can understand, and recognise the mechanics of advertising - recognise the deception and manipulation there in. Remain conscious. Practice gratitude everyday. Question what we NEED. Fast forward the ads.

A Year of Wonders

It is over a year ago that I read A New Earth, and a short time after that that I began the Silent Meditation Group in Sutherland.
In a spiritual sense it has been a huge year.

~Last year I could sense the life tingle in my hand, as directed by Tolle. Now I can stop and feel my whole body alive.
~12 months ago I might have the odd moment of peace, and now can have entire days of presence (school days only!)
~Back then I loved to look at special trees and be awed by them, now I can feel a buzz of life connection with trees and flowers, clouds and waves.
~Once a different dimension was just a science fiction concept, now I see it
fleetingly out of the corner of my eye.
~Last year I had no belief in God, and now I think I share his source, and feel his pure patience and faith in me.
~I never believed I was good at learning languages, but this year I learnt a new language, and found others who speak that language, too.
~A year ago I could be irritated, and bored, frustrated and annoyed, and now a mantra seems to have developed in my head of its own accord, "You don't have to feel like this." And it hits me over and again, This is the Good News.
~I would spend days, weeks at a time getting lost back in thought, and now it is rare not to connect with presence at least several times a day.

And all this is Good News for anyone else starting on the spiritual path. For all I have done is to simply get back to Presence/Now/Being/Stillness whenever I remembered to, and now I see that that is enough. Eventually this brings about a more conscious you than unconscious.

I wonder what I will be able to say next year!

Postscript: I should mention that finding Eckhart Tolle as my teacher, and making a regular time commitment to his guidance, which I do through running the Eckhart Tolle Silent Meditation Group, has been an important part of my Year of Wonders. If Eckhart Tolle speaks to you, check out his website for a local meditation group to join, or do something radical, START YOUR OWN.

Twilight

Escapism doesn't get much better than the Twilight book series. Written by Stephanie Meyer, this young adult story has become massively popular with younger and older women alike. It is the story of a vampire, Edward, falling in love with Bella, a non-vampire.
A friend talked me into starting the series, and I did not stop until I had read all 4 books. Her mother overheard us talking about the books and surprised me by saying that her daughter had got her reading them, too, and she was ashamed to have become completely engrossed - at the age of 61!

So what is it that is so appealing about Twilight? Undoubtedly,it is the unshakable connection that Edward and Bella have: like destiny, or two past lives meeting, or soul mates. That connection (does such a thing really exist, or is it a fabrication of the female Psyche?) is so appealing to women. To have a man that is completely and utterly devoted to us.
And there is the danger element, the constant tension, the restrained passion and the out of this world-ness. All rolled together women want to re-read the books, re-watch the movies and make stars out of the actors playing the movie roles.

Are the readers happy, though? Are they having fun?

Twilight is a fantasy more obvious than most fictional love stories. I mean, vampires don't exist. There is no chance, therefore, this story could become a reality for anyone reading it. I am not sure that undying, unshakable love really exists, either, in therealm of humans. Danger definitely does exist in the human world, but it is rarely romantic.
So, when we become involved with a story that is outside reality, like Twilight, we escape our own world. But we also begin wishing (no matter how far fetched the story) for a differnt life from the one we live. We hope for the passion, danger, excitement, only to be disappointed with the ordinary life we lead. We look to our partners and can only find them wanting compared to our fictional hero; we become dissatisfied them. We might ask them to be different, but our partner is just human and doesn't understand what we want.
And then we are a long, long way from being present in the Now, and a great distance from happiness, joy or peace. In this place we are in a realm directly opposite that which the Buddha suggests we need for non-suffering - acceptance and allowing what IS.
Twilight has been a great ride, but getting off is a bit like breaking an addiction. Refocusing takes some time and effort, as we suffer withdrawal.

I'm starting to think the ride isn't really worth the toll.

Spiritual Practice and Work

Sometimes it can seem hard to maintain our spiritual practice when we are engaged in activity work or relationships. Eckhart Tolle states that it is those times that are our practice, however.
We need to focus our inner attention on the body, and the vibrations there that become stronger and stronger with practice. Then we need to keep some of that attention on the inner body as we go about our lives.
Times of waiting that everyone is subject to, in lines or traffic or waiting on slow children, are perfect times to practice drawing our attention in, making these times enjoyable rather than a time of frustration and annoyance. Thus, two birds with one stone!

Surrender

Eckhart Tolle has several themes that run constantly through his teachings. To reach our spiritual selves we need to overcome the ego, which includes the story of "me". We need to leave behind ideas of past and future. We need to recognise the emptiness and meaninglessness of deriving pleasure from objects.
I have come to understand that being part of the natural peace and joy within each of us, we must be prepared to surrender all we know, all we believe about ourselves and the world. By being prepared to surrender all this, we can access the inner peace, and stillness that Eckhart Tolle is pointing toward.

A Cheats Mothers Day Blog.

I found this from Writer Dad - a mothers day poem.
For all the Mum's out there, enjoy your day.

Choosing Happiness for Kids

So, we are half way through school holidays. There has been a week of pancakes, lollies, chips and sausages, AND holiday house, beach, movies, friends, staying up late. Yet my 7 year old son still pulls out the sad face when I say no to one of the many requests for more throughout the day. “I'm bored.” “You never let us have anything special.” “Holidays are supposed to be fun!” And once again Mummy tries to explain the choice of happiness.It hits me that my boy thinks its easy for me to choose happiness – I'm an adult with no one telling me what to do. I can do whatever I like. So I explain that everyone has to live within certain limits. My limits are the need to work to pay for our living costs, I have to do as my boss says so I can continue to be payed. Where we live, car we drive, things we have, holidays we can experience are limited by our means,. I am also limited by taking care of my children, what I can do, when, where. Thus I live with certain limits, but choose, within those limits, to live happily – to be satisfied, not fight against my limits, and so live in ease. My children, I point out, have the limits set by me, but within those limits still have freedom to be happy. Fighting the limits, never being satisfied with what they have, or what they are doing is just a chosen perspective that leads to unhappiness.
The 7 year old said he understood, but he could have just been trying to shut me up, so we could get on with doing something more fun.
Interested in learning some practical ways to be happy, and live in south Sydney? Check out this post for information about my Practical Happiness Workshop.

Practical Happiness Workshop

I am running a Practical Happiness Workshop during May for those of you who may be wondering how to achieve greater happiness in life. The workshop will be run over three weeks, three meetings of two hours each conducted in the Southern area of Sydney, commencing the 13th of May.


We will look at many hands on ways to promote a happier, more calm, centred lifestyle.
If you are interested in making positive changes in your life, please email me for course details, and to register.
Info@openeyed-meditation.com

The Days Colour

Driving by, my attention was caught by a tall, neat woman waiting at the bus stop. She stood just to the left of the bus shelter, a discreet distance from another waiting passenger. Dressed for work in sensible office attire, I was about to see her nonchalant expression collapse, as a black cat approached her. And, in that way that cats have of rubbing up against your ankle, using even their tails to curl around your leg, the cat touched her.
The working woman threw her hands up to her face, not before I glimpsed the circular change to her mouth. Although I couldn't hear it from the car, she must have let out a cry, for immediately she was speaking to the other passenger, gesturing to the cat and clutching her heart. Smiling and laughing.
I wondered if the colour of her day would change as a result of the unexpected exchange. I hoped so as I drove on.
You can change the colour of your day by meditating when you first wake up, or think positively on the things you have to look forward to in the day. Bridging the distance between yourself and others can give you a little lift, so don't be afraid to smile at a fellow passenger in your day, or make a pleasant comment so you can have a chat, or offer to help them with their load. It is surprising how the smallest interaction can colour your day.

Get the Habit of Happiness.

There is one way to completely change your life, and that is through changing bad habits for good. The great thing about habits are that we do them automatically, we don't have to think about them and choose. However, bad habits mean we are regularly, without thinking, doing things that do not get us where we want to go, don't give us the results we want. But we can change habits. All we need to do is recognise the habits that are not working for us, find a habit to replace it, and change.

One habit you might like to consider changing is that of saying negative things to others. Speaking complaints. For one thing they bring others down. For another, they make a negative situation last longer, become bigger and more insidious, as you give the bad situation more and more space in your life, and allow others to associate you with the complaint. By stopping ourselves from speaking negatively, we just might reduce the amount of negative thoughts we have. Reduce negative thought, promote happiness, calm and contentedness. And we could all do with some of THAT.

Timothy Ferriss experimented with an bracelet sold specifically to stop this old habit. (And I am sorry, I can't quite locate it now, amongst all that he has written, but it is there on his site somewhere.) You wear the bracelet on one arm, and try to go 21 days without saying anything negative. If you do say something negative you have to change the bracelet to the other arm AND START ALL OVER AGAIN. Ferriss decided that it was a little vague – is negative a bit of a relative term? - so he decided you could relate a negative story to another, but you had to add the solution you had decided on to the end of you tale.

So, why not try it? Get one of those rubber bands that are everywhere at the moment, and try to wear it for 21 days in a row on one arm. Ferriss took 3 months to finally succeed in 21 days straight, so expect to struggle a little with it. You can choose which option you go with, no negative statements, or no negative statement without a solution punchline. Take notice of any changes to your attitude as you conduct this experiment (maybe a diary, or a moment before sleep) as it may inspire you to make more and more positive new habits in your life.

Good Luck. Of course, if you decide that you could do with further calm in your life, you can try meditation!

Some Reasons to Meditate.

We know the obvious reason for meditation - to relax, to give our brain some chill out time. That is why many of us start, because we begin to notice just how active our thoughts are, and are looking for a bit of time out.



However, some of the things I am really interested in, is changing the way we think, and the things we think about so we can become happy. I don't beleive there is much space in our lives for new ideas, new concepts, positive dreams and goals, until we are able to reduce the negativety, and poor thought patterns that can make up so much of all that mental chatter.

It is here that meditation can be so beneficial, for through practicing quieting the mind, we learn to hear what is going on in our thoughts. The mind is no longer on automatic all the time. It is from here that we can start to make changes to how and what we think, which can bring about massive change in our lives.

Therefore, meditation can be a doorway to happiness, contentment, positivety.

Please leave a comment about how meditation has made a difference to you.

Check out Open Eyed Meditation for a really easy way to start meditation. Another form of meditation is Mindfulness, take this link to look at an excerpt from The Spiritual Journey Guide for Single Mothers which gives a description of Mindfulness.

The Solo Christmas

With Christmas time very near, it is time to do a little planning to keep the Christmas blues at bay. Single parents are very vulnerable at this time, when the kids rush off to Christmas day at the other parent home, and leave a vacuum in their wake. As much as you may look forward to the peace you see being yours that day, after the kids leave, if you haven't planned something special for yourself you can suddenly become a little lonely.


Start planning your lovely time now. A bath, fabulous meal, a movie (not sad), a great book. You may even concider accepting one of those offers of "drop in for a drink" to give you a focus, and interaction for the day.

Enjoy the day whatever you plan. But do plan. If you are looking for other ways to become happier as a single Mum take a look at The Spiritual Journey for Single Mothers.