Meditation and Kids

So - I'm crying. I've just blown up at Samantha, I'm crashing around the house, and thinking this is just IMPOSSIBLE!

I was given a book about meditation - I have several, but this one has pretty pictures - after putting out a question for meditation direction. The book has inspired me. I have meditated for the past three days morning and night. I am thinking, yesterday I was able to stay more present, and conscious. I'm feeling good!

Then Sam gets up, moaning and groaning, growling and grizzling (yes - my sunshine child!) This is the second time she is doing this 'stage'. I try to stay patient and calm - more moans, and grizzles and foot stamps. Then I loose it. And now I write it - I see. Her pain body wants and needs my pain body, and I have graciously given it to her.

I have a friend who says, let's get Eckhart Tolle down here to take care of the kids, and we'll go up the mountain for a few days. Let's see how peaceful and calm he is when we get back!

I think parenting can be really hard.
Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mummmmmm!!!! How on earth are you supposed to stay present?

All you can do is let the past misdemeanours go, and get on the horse again.

If I EVER get to a point where I can always stay present and calm during the kids drama I will KNOW I have reached enlightenment. But then, I wont even be excited about it, will I?! I'll be too enlightened to allow my ego to gloat.

A Cheats Mothers Day Blog.

I found this from Writer Dad - a mothers day poem.
For all the Mum's out there, enjoy your day.

Fathers Call

Probably shouldn't have been there, but I took the kids out for a little night time ride on the bikes, while we are on holidays. I heard a raised voice, and found the source at the public phone box, just where my son decided to do slalem around the poles, extending our time nearby. I hurried us on, not wanting to intrude on this man's conversation, but not before I heard him say forcefully that “I could easily jump off a bridge, I am feeling that bad – but I wont do that....” before we rode off.
It made me sick to think of his situation, and it is not a feeling I am unfamiliar with. Was this man a single Dad, arguing about how his life has changed through seperation, with his ex wife? I don't know, but did leap to that conclusion. Even if I was wrong, the incident had me thinking of the men that are out there, just bereft, confused, and alone. Men do not always have the means to communicate their needs and fears, encumbered as they can be with an old male standard of strength. But that standard does not help them much faced with the loss of their family.
Perhaps it can be easy to write off another's feelings, or undermine them, because of some wrongs they have does us, but these men are still the father of our children. A child's idea of men, their roles as parents and partners, all go toward their development into healthy, happy individuals. Supporting fathers is an important way to support our kids.

Dinner Challenge

I knew there would be a drama tonight – I had cooked something new! My 7 year old raged, hated and spat. Because I had an idea this was coming, and because I had had a lovely, quiet day to myself, and had decided to have a glass of wine, I was not disturbed by the school child tantrum. As he raged and rolled and cried, I was cool and uneffected. And afterwards, when it was eaten and hunger was sated, there was smiles and laughter from the angry young man. “Yes, I want to go for a ride, too.”.And I thought as we all peddled to our favorite face painted tree, and over the bumps in the ground my daughter enjoys challenging her bike with, how much better when I did not engage in the children's temper. How quickly it was over. How much less anger in our world
Although I do it regularly – meet the kids anger and rage with my own anger - I know it is ridiculous. Children have less control of their emotions, and I am supposed to be the adult, who is expected to deal with her emotions – and teach her children to deal with theirs! Tonight I got it right, but mostly I fail, which feeds my guilt.
I will never believe that there is a greater challenge in life than being a parent. And nothing more rewarding than when I get it right. (Which happily happens too).

Looking In

It's another woman, alone again after another disappointing relationship outcome. Her children and she will be on there own again until the cycle starts over. In an age of self help books and radio and television shows, it is surprising how many are still in trouble. The answers are there for the searcher. Yet if we are not caring enough about ourselves and giving ourselves value, what is there to motivates us to seek these answers? The value can't come from others or things. It is such a cliche, but the only place to gain value is from within us - the rest is shaky ground, inconstant. But what is the motivation to begin to give yourself credit, and value? Well, I guess some never find that motivation. I found it in my children, but now the happiness and steadiness of my life is the reward and incentive for valuing myself.

Meditation is one way to make a start on honouring yourself, and to raise self esteem. Check out Open Eyed Meditation for an easy way to start meditation.
And if you are a single mother, you could have a look at the Spiritual Journey for Single Mothers. Packed with ways to eliminate negativity, and find happiness on your journey.

Divorce With No Bridge.

I once read that there is a certain connection between two people who have had a difficult relationship together. Like they are the survivors of a train crash, that only they know what it was like to experience. And that may be true for some, but for others it is more like two people in the same train crash having entirely different experiences of that same event. I have no doubt my ex husbands' view of our demise and then divorce is very different to mine. Not more or less closer to the truth, or better or worse experiences, just different.

It is as a result of our different perspectives that I could really relate to Elizabeth Gilbert's comments in her book Eat, Pray, Love.. She speaks about the lack of closure that is often felt after divorce. The feeling that there can never be forgiveness, that there is another person in the world who thinks so badly of you, and you will never get them to understand your perspective. An unresolved case, a nagging, gaping space that you can't bridge.

Elizabeth holds a ceremony, suggested by a friend, to try to remedy this open wound in her life. Ultimately she imagines the two higher beings - the purer soles - of herself and ex husband meeting on a higher plane to create peace, understanding, forgiveness and love between them. From then on, when she becomes conscious again of the difference in views between herself and her ex husband, she send their higher spirits up to sort it out, and releases the sadness.

Held back by our baggage, negative ideas and thoughts, and ego centred expectations, sometimes it's just not possible to get the closure to a relationship we need. It can help to know that other people experience this feeling of grief, and that there are some ways to get past it.

Take this link to try a Positive Change ceremony, and see how powerful a ceremony can be in releasing old negativity, and creating new positive energy. Or check out The Spiritual Journey Guide for Single Mothers if you want to find out how to be a happier as a solo parent. Want to know some good reasons to meditate?

The Solo Christmas

With Christmas time very near, it is time to do a little planning to keep the Christmas blues at bay. Single parents are very vulnerable at this time, when the kids rush off to Christmas day at the other parent home, and leave a vacuum in their wake. As much as you may look forward to the peace you see being yours that day, after the kids leave, if you haven't planned something special for yourself you can suddenly become a little lonely.


Start planning your lovely time now. A bath, fabulous meal, a movie (not sad), a great book. You may even concider accepting one of those offers of "drop in for a drink" to give you a focus, and interaction for the day.

Enjoy the day whatever you plan. But do plan. If you are looking for other ways to become happier as a single Mum take a look at The Spiritual Journey for Single Mothers.

Meditation, the Ego, and a Great Book

It has been a year of fabulous things coming my way, that seem to arrive in just the right order, and at just the right time. That's when I picked up the best seller book, “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. It is a persoanl account of one womans decision to take control of her life, and the year of self discovery that ensues.

I loved it – not least because the book starts out at Elizabeth's divorce – and found plenty to be inspired by. But, there is one concept that has had a huge influence on my thoughts since, and that is when she speaks about the ego, the “I”.


Elizabeth goes to India for four months to practice meditation; yet even in this most perfect environment she struggles to still her mind. She is given the advise that the constant demand on her thoughts is her ego. That the ego ( the “I”) is always looking to hold power, but that its domination over us actuallly holds us back from becoming whole. Liz was directed to distract the ego with love, in the heart.

So the next time I meditated I tried this. When my ego came up with distratction I gently sent my “I” down to my heart, with love, to wait for me. All was calm and quiet.

It was almost a relief to stop the “I” thoughts. And so much of the chattering mind is in the “I” context. I want, I need, I must, I ought, I hate, I never, I can't I love, I think, I wish, I will, I wont. All pronounced with such force and urgency that it's easy to feel it must be listened to, that it is important. But the ego can be subdued, allowing the peace of just being to occur. The perfect state to meditate!

Please leave a comment if you have read the book, or have some ideas on Ego.

The Spritual Journey Guide for Single Mothers.
Check this out if you want to get through, recover, and get past Divorce, and become happy. You also may be interested in some further reasons to meditate, or starting meditation with a really easy product.

Measuring the Wreckage

I sometimes wonder why I haven't got further along the spiritual path than I have at the ripe age of 44. But if I look at the wreckage, the debri I have had to get through I guess it makes sense. And everyones wreckage is different by degree. I imagine a picture of Lara Croft walking away from a huge crashing building. Dust is still billowing up into the air, and rocks, and bricks are still crashing down. Lara Croft is calm, confident and cool leaving the wreckage behind. And that's what it feels like when I look back to where I have come from. Stepping away from the kaos and moving to a more secure place, feeling confident in the direction.


Everyones crash site is different, the childhood wreckage, relationships and/or marriages crashes and our mental/thought war guide. Some of these wreckages are just the size of toys crashing, others are the huge real sizes of bus, train, plane collisions. Or city sized catastrophies. We can't compare wreckages, they can't be measured against anothers. And we can't race anyone else to the other side. They are not better than me because they are enlightened. I am not better than anyone else because I have found some peace. We are all just beings trying to get to our meeting place on the other side of our own individual disaster zones. Picking up little gems of truth, small treasures of hope from other people's words, books, and our own moments of light. And hopefully, passing some of them on to others to be a light for them on their journey through the obstacle course that is the spiritual journey of life.